“You are the sum of the five people with whom you spend the most time.”
Have you ever heard this idea?
A LOT of people seem to believe this, and I understand where they’re coming from.
It is true that human beings DO have a tendency to mirror one another.
If somebody’s in great mood, we often will be very happy and cheerful, and if they’re really grumpy, maybe we become grumpy too. This is very common.
We also tend to look at what others around us are doing and that’s where we get a lot of our ideas about what is “normal”, so it makes sense that we would think that we are the sum of the people with whom we spend the most time.
But there are a couple problems with this idea.
One – I don’t think it’s actually true, and two – it may lead us to distance ourselves from certain people or remove them from our lives entirely when that isn’t actually what we want.
Some people are easier than others to remove from your life. What if the person you find challenging is your spouse, your parent, your child, or someone else who you are very close to and don’t want to delete from your life?
If you believe that their emotions are contagious, the way that they behave is rubbing off on you, and that you’re going to become very similar to them, what will you do?
You’ll try to control that person.
You’ll try to get them to cheer up, be more positive, to be nicer, to worry less, or to behave however it is that you want them to behave.
In other words, you’re going to try to control things you have no control over…which will not work and will probably cause conflict in your relationships.
Instead, why don’t you try questioning this belief that you are the sum of the five people with whom you spend the most time?
The emotions of the people around you are not contagious. Their bad moods and pessimism don’t rub off on you. You don’t have to think the way that they think or feel the way that they feel.
You can choose what you want to think and believe, and your thoughts will determine how you feel, which will dictate how you behave and the results you get in your life.
I’m not saying you can’t distance yourself from certain people or remove them from your life entirely if you want to. Go ahead.
What I’m saying is that you don’t need to do that if you don’t want to. If you know how to choose your thoughts intentionally, you don’t have to become the sum of the five people closest to you.
One thing that can help with this is to find ways to spend time with people who are thinking the way you want to think and creating the kind of results you want to create…but those people don’t necessarily have to be your closest friends.
You could read books or listen to podcasts that energize you. You could follow positive, motivating people on social media.
There are so many ways you can surround yourself with people who inspire you without necessarily having to change ANY of your personal relationships (if you don’t want to).
You are NOT the sum of the five people you spend the most time around.
You are a unique individual.
You can choose who you become.
Recent Comments