Emotions are NOT Contagious

Have you ever heard the phrase “emotions are contagious”?

I majored in psychology and this idea that emotions are contagious is something that I remember very well from my classes.

The idea is that if somebody else is in a bad mood or a good mood, that will “rub off” on other people.

I don’t think this is true.

It is true that human beings have a tendency to mirror one another. Often times, the moods of the people around us DO influence our moods, but that’s only because no one has ever taught us how to manage our minds and our emotions.

Your emotions are not caused by the people around you nor are they caused by any circumstance in your life or anything that is outside of you.

Your emotions are caused by the sentences in your mind – your thoughts.

When somebody is in a particular mood, the way that you will feel is not dependent on how that person is behaving. Your emotion will be created by your thoughts.

So here are some thoughts that you can practice when you don’t want to mirror the emotions of the people around you.

*Side note: this does not mean that we want to become uncaring or uninterested in what’s going on for somebody else. It means that just because somebody else is feeling anxious, sad, or whatever it might be, we don’t have to take on those emotions ourselves. We can feel something else that might be more useful like compassion, love, or concern.

Here are some examples of some thoughts you could practice!

• He can be crabby and I don’t need to be.
• They can be anxious and I don’t need to be.
• This isn’t about me.
• His emotions are not about me.
• His mood is not about me.
• She’s having a bad day and that’s OK.
• It’s OK for her to feel whatever she’s feeling.
• She is feeling frustrated right now and that’s OK.
• She is feeling frustrated right now and I don’t really like that and that’s OK.
• Other people sometimes need to be upset.
• Sometimes people need to be angry or anxious and that’s OK.
• Everyone is supposed to struggle sometimes.
• We all feel negative emotion sometimes.
• Negative emotions are not a problem to solve.
• It is not my job to fix this person‘s emotion. It is simply my job to love them and be there with them in it.
• This is the part where this person is in a bad mood.
• This is the part where this person is really struggling.
• This is the part where life is really hard.

Emotions are NOT contagious.  We do not need to be afraid of “catching” unpleasant emotions from other people.

When we’re worried about their bad moods rubbing off on us, we try to control them. We try to cheer them up and tell them to be more positive. That usually doesn’t work.

When people feel invalidated, they often get MORE upset.

Instead, try validating the emotions of the people around you and allowing them to feel whatever they’re feeling.

They aren’t responsible for your emotions. YOU are.

AND that doesn’t mean you should feel happy all the time either.

Whatever you’re feeling is okay too.