Ask anyone what they know about grief, and they’ll probably tell you about the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
What a lot of people don’t know is that this model of grief is widely misunderstood and misused.
The model was originally created by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross who was studying terminally ill people who were coming to terms with their own impending death.
It was never meant to be applied to those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one.
The main problem with Kubler-Ross’ model is that it implies that grief is a linear process and that, once someone gets to acceptance, they’re done grieving.
In reality, grief is not linear and acceptance is not the final destination.
It is 100% normal to experience ANY emotion during ANY part of the grieving process.
Whatever you’re feeling is completely valid and understandable.
If you haven’t gotten to acceptance yet, that doesn’t mean that you’re “behind” in coming to terms with your grief, that you’re backsliding, that you’re “stuck”, or that you’re doing grief wrong.
Acceptance is not a place.
Acceptance is an emotion, and it’s normal for emotions to come and go.
You might have some days when you feel peaceful and accepting, and you may have other days when you feel angry, sad, or depressed.
That’s okay.
Be gentle with yourself.
You’re doing it exactly right.
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